Connection is essential, and difficult to come by.


There is a unique grief to the end of my thirties.

In many ways, this decade has been liberating and exciting. Like many people of my generation, I’ve finally hit a stride in my career that includes feeling both competent and skilled and fairly compensated for my work. I live in a home with someone I love that is much more than adequate (both the home and the human, really). I feed myself things that I like, and I wear things that I like, and I’m generally able to afford all of these things. It is not lost on me that these are all extravagant privileges for which I have immense gratitude.

What I’ve also noticed as I get older, and what I see ahead of me in the decades beyond, is a sometimes urgent state of increasing alone-ness. While there’s always lots of activity in day-today life, I’m not sure how meaningful much of it feels. Like many people, I sometimes talk about my daily obligations with a sigh of resignation rather than with excitement. As I get older, I grapple with this feeling that there are so many things that I feel I must do, but they are perhaps not the things that I might choose to be doing.

In the therapy space, both with clients and colleagues, I talk frequently with others who are having this same experience. They are desperate to be in communion with the people that spark their sparks and bring out the best in them, but, if they even know who those people are, there doesn’t seem to be enough time left at the end of the day for the communing. Their loved ones are also running their households, or paying off their debts, or raising their children, or cleaning their dirty things, or arranging their disorganized things, or, of course, heroically and tirelessly working for a better life than their parents had. Often, as in my own experience, connecting with loved ones is rendered impossible because the people they love are literally scattered around the globe, and hardly accessible at a moment’s notice. The simplicity of a connection that can be gained by knocking on a wall to reach the trusted person on the other side of it does not seem to exist when one is nearly forty.

It’s a feeling of isolation quite unlike anything I’ve experienced before, and I’m not alone in having it.

In our teenage years and our twenties, many of us spend a lot of time just hanging around one another. Resources are scarce, there’s not much to do, we certainly can’t afford home improvements or nice meals, and we are clawing our way through some job, or towards some emotional epiphany, or a personal growth experience. Many of us are actively seeking partners, and so we are purposely out in the social thick of it – learning who we like and don’t like, where we fit in and don’t, and how to be ourselves. This time is difficult in its own way, of course, but is also gloriously decadent and rich in social interactions. Connection is almost always available, and there is plenty of room for mistake-making and long conversations. While there is perhaps less security in life, emotionally, there is so much at our fingertips.

I posit that perhaps there is a bridge between these decades of life that includes both the security and success we begin to (finally) enjoy in our thirties, forties, and beyond, and the warmth and love of community and authenticity-seeking that many of us move through in our earlier years. While our culture doesn’t make this easy (it seems to love to separate us all and generally celebrates keeping to very tight and exclusive circles), I think we can muster the motivation to create something new for ourselves when we find ourselves in the dark loneliness by asking ourselves some questions, and perhaps stepping momentarily outside of the arbitrary “box”:

  • What if we value our friends to the same degree that we value our spouses and children?
  • What if we make the time to daily see our people (through a computer screen, if need be)?
  • What if we prioritize real quality time with people that we love, by having daily conversations about who we are, what we are thinking, the mistakes that we are making, and our dreams and our fears?
  • What if we apply the same level of intention and dedication to our community as we do our careers?
  • What if we prioritize quiet and reflective time with ourselves daily, to maintain that most important relationship of all?

What, then?

Originally posted on my blog, Common Humanity, at Psych To read more, visit



Useful Information

Some frequently asked questions and useful answers.

Online therapy works in the same way as in-office therapy, but is done online, similar to a Skype or FaceTime conversation. Clients are able to have sessions from home, work, or any other convenient location. We meet with clients using a HIPAA-compliant secure platform.

Online therapy allows you to work with us from the comfort of home, or any private location of your choosing. For some, the screen provides an added layer of comfort that makes the challenging work of being vulnerable in therapy a little easier.

Online therapy also creates the unique opportunity for you to work with us without the constraints of proximity! The practice was born in Keene, New Hampshire, but has since grown to service clients anywhere in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, Florida, and New Hampshire.

Online therapy is a great option for clients that travel for work, for college students that go home during the summertime and do not want a break in their sessions, and for anyone with a challenging or inconsistent day-to-day schedule. It is an excellent choice for clients seeking a therapist with a particular specialty that they are unable to find support for locally. Some of our clients report that online therapy makes the vulnerability element of therapy a bit less intimidating.

No. For some clients with more complex symptoms or safety concerns, having a local therapist that is readily available is important in case of crisis or the need for a higher level of care. Online therapy is also a challenge for clients that do not have access to a private, quiet space to be “in session” for the hour, or for those that do not have adequate internet connectivity.

There are several reasons why we don’t accept insurance. The most important are:

Confidentiality. Insurance companies require that your information be shared with them in order to pay for services. We prefer that clients’ information is kept as confidential as possible.

The pressure to diagnose. Insurance companies require that clients are given a mental health diagnosis in order to pay for therapy. We have found that many clients benefit from therapy, but do not meet criteria for a diagnosis. Not using insurance allows clients to access therapy without being given a mental health diagnosis.

Flexibility and freedom. Insurance companies dictate the length and number of sessions they will authorize, as well as when a client is no longer eligible for the benefits of therapy. Because we do not work with insurance panels, you and we can collaborate to determine your individual needs regarding session length, frequency of sessions, and when to terminate therapy.

While we do not accept insurance, many clients choose to submit receipts to their insurance companies to receive reimbursement via out-of-network benefits. We are happy to provide these receipts for you! Please check with your insurance company for details on your benefits.



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