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Within my work as a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of meeting countless incredibly selfless and generous individuals - Givers, all of them. Perhaps it’s because I specialize in treating Anxiety, which tends to align closely Shame and Guilt. Those guys don’t make it easy to invest in one’s self-interest very well (or really, at … Continue reading How Much Do We Deserve?

I don’t really like the word “motivate” at all. To me, it seems like a dressed-up “should,” which is on my least-favorite-words list, and carries with it a sense of dread and obligation: I need to motivate myself to go jogging. You need to motivate yourself to do your homework. Let’s get motivated to clean … Continue reading Get Motivated: Using Lists to Create a Balanced Daily Schedule

A question for the ladies: How many of you are uncomfortable with your anger? If someone takes advantage of you, hurts you, shames you, dismisses you, do you sometimes suffer in silence rather than speak up? Do you agonize about how you might confront the individual that made you feel small in the first place? … Continue reading Anger Is An (Entirely Normal & Useful) Energy

The problem of how best to deal with difficult family members or friends comes up routinely in therapy sessions. This applies to relationships that are sometimes manipulative, shaming, lacking in boundaries, or emotionally abusive. There’s often a heavy dose of the “shoulds” in these sessions: “I should be able to attend this family gathering; I … Continue reading Dealing with unhealthy family & friend relationships: A brief how-to.

In therapy sessions with clients, we seem to spend an awful lot of time talking about rules. My clientele (and myself) are generally rule-oriented folks – having a set of structures helps us to feel safe, ordered, and in control. Rules come in all shapes and sizes: religious affiliations, spiritual philosophies, cultural trends and dictates, … Continue reading On Writing and Rewriting (and Rewriting) the Rules.