Anger Is An (Entirely Normal & Useful) Energy

A question for the ladies: How many of you are uncomfortable with your anger? If someone takes advantage of you, hurts you, shames you, dismisses you, do you sometimes suffer in silence rather than speak up? Do you agonize about how you might confront the individual that made you feel small in the first place? Do you worry about how you might be perceived, not just by this individual, but by other people, if you express yourself directly and honestly? Have you tried this before only to have it backfire? Are you more comfortable with swallowing your own discomfort than making other around you uncomfortable?

Welcome. I see you. I get it.

Years ago, I worked under someone that frequently made me feel less-than. They had a gift of garbling words, explaining things in such a way that I (and many others) would leave their office more confused than when I went in. This gift afforded this individual the ability to kind-of promise things without really promising them, to ask for things that were outside of the realm of one’s role, and to make things feel like they were one’s fault when they were decidedly NOT one’s fault. I wanted to give feedback about my experience with this person, and hopefully improve our working relationship. So of course, I did what any strong, competent young professional woman would do. I scheduled a meeting and addressed all of my concerns calmly and rationally.

Just kidding.

I basically scurried by their office every day for several months, until I could high-tail it out of that position without making myself vulnerable. I feared being dismissed further; I feared being disliked; I feared being unable to express myself the way I wanted to in the moment. So, I chose avoidance.

I’m not proud of this story, but I also know that this is common experience, especially among women. I know countless strong and competent women with stories like this. I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground by suggesting that women have been socialized to repress our anger, to avoid conflict at all costs, and to smooth things over and make/keep the peace. The question is, once we know all of this, and we are aware that it’s not healthy for us to smoosh our angry feelings into ourselves, how do we just STOP doing it?

So. I’m not trying to be trite here or minimize this issue at all…believe me, I know how uncomfortable it is…but what if we just decidedto? What if we decided to prioritize getting in touch with our anger and speaking up for it in healthy and appropriate ways, above keeping others happy with us and comfortable? What if we decided that it’s worth it to schedule the awkward meeting, or to demand to be treated with respect? What if we decided, together, to challenge the very ridiculous social norm that states that empowered women that don’t fear confrontation are cold, unrelatable, and any other number of rude terms, by always choosing to stand in solidarity with those women?

What if we decided that our anger energy deserves to be seen and heard, no matter what, always and unequivocally?

What might you be doing differently, if you prioritized healthily expressing your anger?

Originally posted on my blog, Common Humanity, at Psych To read more, visit


Useful Information

Some frequently asked questions and useful answers.

Online therapy works in the same way as in-office therapy, but is done online, similar to a Skype or FaceTime conversation. Clients are able to have sessions from home, work, or any other convenient location. We meet with clients using a HIPAA-compliant secure platform.

Online therapy allows you to work with us from the comfort of home, or any private location of your choosing. For some, the screen provides an added layer of comfort that makes the challenging work of being vulnerable in therapy a little easier.

Online therapy also creates the unique opportunity for you to work with us without the constraints of proximity! The practice was born in Keene, New Hampshire, but has since grown to service clients anywhere in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, Florida, and New Hampshire.

Online therapy is a great option for clients that travel for work, for college students that go home during the summertime and do not want a break in their sessions, and for anyone with a challenging or inconsistent day-to-day schedule. It is an excellent choice for clients seeking a therapist with a particular specialty that they are unable to find support for locally. Some of our clients report that online therapy makes the vulnerability element of therapy a bit less intimidating.

No. For some clients with more complex symptoms or safety concerns, having a local therapist that is readily available is important in case of crisis or the need for a higher level of care. Online therapy is also a challenge for clients that do not have access to a private, quiet space to be “in session” for the hour, or for those that do not have adequate internet connectivity.

There are several reasons why we don’t accept insurance. The most important are:

Confidentiality. Insurance companies require that your information be shared with them in order to pay for services. We prefer that clients’ information is kept as confidential as possible.

The pressure to diagnose. Insurance companies require that clients are given a mental health diagnosis in order to pay for therapy. We have found that many clients benefit from therapy, but do not meet criteria for a diagnosis. Not using insurance allows clients to access therapy without being given a mental health diagnosis.

Flexibility and freedom. Insurance companies dictate the length and number of sessions they will authorize, as well as when a client is no longer eligible for the benefits of therapy. Because we do not work with insurance panels, you and we can collaborate to determine your individual needs regarding session length, frequency of sessions, and when to terminate therapy.

While we do not accept insurance, many clients choose to submit receipts to their insurance companies to receive reimbursement via out-of-network benefits. We are happy to provide these receipts for you! Please check with your insurance company for details on your benefits.



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